Posts tagged ‘psychology’

August 24, 2014

My Panic Attacks

by evilnymphstuff

Knowing that this week I’m going to start studying Abnormal Psychology reminded me of something I have been thinking of posting on this blog for more than a week and, as you’ve probably guessed from the title, it’s all about my experience with panic attacks.

It’s funny, because when I had these so-called panic attacks, I actually didn’t believe they were panic attacks, because although I believe in mental disorders and most likely to sympathize with those suffering from it, I couldn’t accept the fact that I, personally, could seriously develop one of any psychological symptoms.

panic attack

Actually, the last panic attack I had was on the 3rd January 2010, which is quite a long time ago. So yeah, no panic disorder or agoraphobia!

So four years ago, I thought I had some respiratory problems, since I had these panic attacks, not regularly, but often to the point that I knew exactly what was happening to me when it happened and what I had to do to resolve it (which was to drink water). It was only last Saturday that, on reading the panic attack symptoms multiple times, I realised what I genuinely had.

It is a relief to know actually, because I always thought I had some kind of rare disease… when in fact it’s the opposite!

The only scary thing is that even if I only remember my last 2 panic attacks, I KNOW that they were not the only 2 that happened and I thus can’t recall the first time I ever had one and how I was able to figure out how to cope with it. One thing I know for sure is that my parents only found out about it during my last one… so I coped with all the others alone. Freaky.

Anyway, I know there are many people out there who have experience panic attacks and I’ve wanted to write this post to tell you that I know that horrible terror, that fear and helplessness, but also that it’s all right and we’re not aliens.

panic attack

I also want to share my last 2 panic attacks, since they’re the only ones I remember, because I know that although they are all typically the same, they are still different to the one suffering from them. Every time.

1. How I know that the first of the two occurrences that I remember is not my first panic attack relies on how I responded to the panic attack in question. Let me clarify: it was in the middle of the night, while I was Scout camping (in a tent in nature) with my fellow mates. I suddenly woke up choking, struggling to speak but unable to, drawing quick survival breaths, feeling both paralyzed and incredibly restless. My friends woke up at once and on seeing me started to panic, although it was clear they wanted to help. They asked me what was going on and what I needed. Of course, since I couldn’t speak, my mind could only focus on the last question and I knew I needed water, because at that moment I knew that whatever I was experiencing wasn’t a new thing and I knew I needed water to calm down. No first-time-panics. Only the panic attack and the trying to reach out to a bottle of water and ‘mouthing’ the term ‘de l’eau’ (‘water’ in French), something which my friends immediately understood. Thus I was given water and I was fine. I also remember how their eyes were so wide-stricken with fear and when they asked me what it was, I recall my answer word for word: “Oh I don’t really know but it’s nothing really; it actually happens from time to time. I usually only need water and I’m fine.” Maybe I had dehydration problems or respiratory problems or both, but I never though of ‘panic attack’, and for sure, I had this weird way of accepting this horrible sensation as a part of myself…

2. The last time I had a panic attack I was at home. I was actually stuck in bed because of fever and flu… well I was pretty bad, and the reason I was in such a condition was because I purposefully went out (it was a Saturday) although I wasn’t feeling well in the morning. It was my last day as a scout member and I had this urge to see my friends one last time, you see. Anyway, so I was in bed and both my parents were here with me, I think they were getting some medication ready for me or something. Then, the attack happened. And it was the very first time my parents witnessed one of these. By the way,  I think that I never told my parents about it because I didn’t feel it was really urgent or serious. Anyway, the worst thing during that particular attack. was it was my very very worst panic attack ever. This time, it was so intense I really thought that I was going to die if I didn’t sip water in time. Yeah, I felt like a bomb, ready to go off at any second. I had no idea how much time was left for me. I really started to panic, more than before, but… my parents didn’t do anything!!! They were so shocked that they were paralyzed as much as I was. And although I know I shouldn’t have felt that way, I was completely furious because I blamed them for not reacting quickly and giving me water. (Well they did finally understood that I needed water by the way I was frantically trying to say ‘de l’eau’!)

Actually I believed and I still believe that I was so angry that my panic attacks totally stopped! The thing is that on that last occurrence a new fear sprouted: that of being left alone in the middle of a crowd, which was watching me suffer and did nothing to help me. I had a similar dream when I was young and on that Saturday it just felt that the dream was coming true except that instead of a crowd there were my parents… which was worse!

Anyway, that’s my panic attack story.

Have a nice weekend!

An Evil Nymph.

August 15, 2014

Technological Anxiety Disorder!?

by evilnymphstuff

**Surely this is a continuation of my Psychology series – for the first time in Malaysia at last!!! – where I write down whatever crazy observations I make about mental and personality… derangements (I don’t have a degree yet – just started my BA actually! – so ‘health’ or ‘disorders’ would be too professional, which I’m not. At all.). Actually just read for fun or if you like to overthink like me and crave for thought-provoking stuff.**

I don’t know about you but every time my laptop undergoes an installation of any kind of programs, I freak out about the possibility that it will fail and eventually ruin my laptop forever.

laptop

I have this irrational fear that I will lose my laptop, in the figurative sense, that is, that it will cease to function.

July 10, 2014

My Inner Critic

by evilnymphstuff

Sometimes it happens that I compare my work to others’. Don’t you?

And sometimes it makes me see my work like something which isn’t even worth to be called ‘work’, you know what I mean?

That’s what happened when I watched my previous and old videos (out of boredom) on YouTube… I suddenly found so many flaws in every vlog and I wasn’t even proud of any of them anymore.

My oral English skills aren’t even that good, are they? I’m such a bad actress, ain’t I? No drama/performing arts club would ever accept me, right?

However, instead of being down and angry, I was immediately motivated to do better videos next time. And when I mean ‘immediately’… I meant that I put down an idea on paper right away and acted it out the very next day… I mean, morning.

And here’s the video:

Yeah, tip: if you’re out of ideas, make something about being out of ideas; if you’re being overwhelmed by your inner critic, yeah make something about that! ;)

Frankly, I never thought I would have been that person one day; I never thought that seeing what I do as being ‘bad’ would push me to work harder and make a better job the next time. I always thought I was the kind who would end up being depressed and discouraged… well, maybe I was like that before, I can’t remember.

But the most important thing is that I’m not now. I’m stronger.

:)

Cheers!

An Evil Nymph.

July 3, 2014

I Am Angry… And I Can’t Bear It Anymore

by evilnymphstuff

**Surely this is a continuation of my Psychology series where I write down whatever crazy observations I make about mental and personality… derangements (I don’t have a degree yet so ‘health’ or ‘disorders’ would be too professional, which I’m not. At all.). Actually just read for fun or if you like to overthink like me and crave for thought-provoking stuff.**

Read that title again. Now, what if I had written ‘I am depressed… and I can’t bear it anymore’? You’d have a different response to that, right? So being sad and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are alarming and should even be clinically considered, but being angry and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are not?

What I want to mainly point out in this post is that I’ve been surprised to discover that ‘anger’ is neglected by the exceptional APA (American Psycho Association, something like that :P) while ‘depression’ is well… it’s all over the place among the pages of the DSM (Bible of Psys)! Wtf?

anger

Before you tell me, hey but there’s the Intermittent Explosive Disorder that’s all about being angry, you should reflect on the fact that it’s not called ‘Anger Disorder’ which only adds to the realisation that this disorder only focuses on only one type of anger (among manyyy)… which is poor compared to the amount of different types of depression that officially exist!

June 17, 2014

I Feel Busy

by evilnymphstuff

I think it’s psychological. I feel that I’m busy although I’m not.

I don’t have school and, except on the days that I go out with friends, stay at home most of the time! I’m still doing my Goodreads reading challenge 2014 and my 100happydays challenge on Instagram, but I’ve finished my bigger projects such as my Model Photography one and writing a 100k novel, which I’m revising on a few occasions.

Clearly, for me that lifestyle doesn’t define ‘busy’ at all.

I’m actually on a long vacation which extends from high school graduation to going to university.

June 9, 2014

Is It Love Or Idolatry?

by evilnymphstuff

This should have been posted during the weekend, but anyway…

FOR THOSE WHO ARE NEW HERE:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that, as you read on, you imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

Love and idolatry can easily be merged together and at that point it is very difficult even to tell them apart.

However that’s exactly what I’ll try to do.

Going directly to the point, I believe that the main difference between those two states, which lovers can easily fall in either way, is the degree of communication.

Comparing two people who love each other and those who idolise each other: in the former relationship, the feeling of love grows as the communication and how much they know each other grows, while in the latter, not only there may be stagnant communication but accompanied with an increase in an artificial ideal of the other.

Nevertheless, it’s usually more complicated and confusing than that… as often it is love itself which transforms into idolatry and this is where the lover gets lost… Has love disappeared yet? Is the other put on a godly pedestal? Or is that idolatry still inoffensive, only being a sign of that greater love?

love

June 4, 2014

On Developing The Incapability Of Feeling Guilt Or Remorse…

by evilnymphstuff

I wasn’t sure whether I should have included this post in my Psychology series, but, on second thought, I am actually going to develop a theory of mine here so… here’s the usual disclaimer:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that, as you read on, you imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

(Moreover this week, I want to publish two posts in this psychology series because I missed last week’s. So here’s the first one; the second one will be published during the weekend… oh and it’s also why I am not posting on a Friday for this one :P)

Today I came across this video:

It is the main inspiration of this post’s topic, and that’s because the message of Gilbert in all is the fact that change is the only constant thing in our life (for those who won’t bother watching ;) oh yes I know some of you do that)… which in turn reminds me of an old vlog of mine:

In which I state in other words what Gilbert described as us being work-in-progress… (though, he continues, we believe we are finished as human beings).

May 23, 2014

The Copycat & The Search For Belonging

by evilnymphstuff

(SAME) INTRO:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that as you read on imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

If you haven’t read the first and previous post in this Psychology series, I strongly recommend you to do so here: Narcissism & Manipulation, because the copycat type we’re going to analyse this week is the one whom I let you have a glimpse of in that post.

For those who remember briefly, we encountered the copycat as a victim of the manipulative narcissist, as being easily influenced without a fixed personality to cling on to, copying aspects of the people he admires to fill this identity void of his.

However, he is not to be pitied entirely.

copycat

May 16, 2014

Narcissism & Manipulation

by evilnymphstuff

INTRO:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that as you read on imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

Narcissist. Self-centred. These are words that describe those people who are in “pursuit of gratification from vanity” or have egotistic admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, that derive from arrogant pride.” (Source: Wikipedia)

When I first discovered that word, I could easily identify some of the people I knew having such a behaviour. From what I had seen in my short life, narcissism was not hard to decipher as those people were so open about being like this… and even proud of their self-adoration. One could imagine someone who likes holding a mirror and looking into it 24 hours a day without shame.

However, lately I’ve found another kind of narcissism. One of a more subtle nature.

And more dangerous as well.

narcissism

August 28, 2013

Weekly Photo Challenge: Focus

by evilnymphstuff

Indeed, it’s been a while since I did a WPC!

Here’s my interpretation of this week’s theme, focus, where I focused my SII camera on this watch-necklace, although there’s my painting at the back, which I’m almost done with by the way :)

time focus

Time is ticking away.

And there is school.

And there is art.

But Time is more powerful. It is above them all.

While we can catch up on work, we cannot catch Time.

No, we cannot catch God.

So what’s your interpretation of ‘focus’? Feel free to share it in the comments below!

An Evil Nymph.

April 3, 2013

How I Control Anger

by evilnymphstuff

Anger, although being one of the seven deadly sins, is a very common feeling, felt and expressed by everyone. Usually, anger is impulsive; it is a release… of shouts and cries until one’s throat is dry and the face’s gone all red and sweaty.

anger fire

But then, sometimes anger makes one do or say things that one may regret afterwards.

March 8, 2013

The Voice Of A Writer

by evilnymphstuff

A Special Picture it & Write for this week! Enjoy:

digital writing

 

Her fingers trembled with excitement as she turned on her laptop to check her mail. It’s been one day already since she last messaged him and she knew that he would have been to work all day, so she had to wait for the evening to conclude…

February 25, 2013

When Evil Learns To Love…

by evilnymphstuff

With all that St Valentine’s Day stuff going around for a while since now more than a week, I’ve been reflecting a lot on Love. I believe that my faithful readers know that perfectly, since most of my previous posts revolve around it, whether in a romantic or gloomy way.

But recently, I’ve felt Her coming back.

And by Her, I mean, An Evil Nymph.

sexy anime girl blue power

 

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