Why avoid the unavoidable? Life itself is so simple, but we make it complicated.
We limit ourselves… and sometimes it just makes everything worse.
“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones
Yes, for teenagers, school is a perfect example of what I’m going to write about today. Of course, I won’t say that this type of education isn’t important; it does have advantages like, it is now critical to have passed high school and at least followed tertiary courses to have a stable and respectable job.
But then? This only benefits us in our professional life.
Many people in educational institutions persuade their students not to fall in love while they’re still at school. We’re not allowed to feel attracted to someone. It makes our mind go crazy. It makes our heads turn round and round. Then some parents totally agree and may even prevent their children to go out and have some fun with friends. They’re overprotective. Scared.
I don’t blame anyone, but check out this comparison:
What most adults see when they think about love + teens:
Unprotected sex. Vulgar language. Open flirt. Bad relationships. Nonsense and a wasted of time.
What most teens see when they think of the same thing:
Warmth, comfort. Friends. Socialisation. New experiences, new feelings. New mistakes, new lessons.
The media has been thinking like most adults – fortunately yes, there are exceptions – and when this image of teenage love is being reflected on TV, the teen him/herself wonders and begins to doubt what most teens think of an early love. Because, there are indeed exceptions to what most teens think of love + teens.
Parents, it’s good to be protective, but let me tell you that most teens will do what you will tell them not to do. This is called rebellion. Depending on how you raised them, the degree of rebelling will vary, but it will come round. It might last for one day or two… or many years.
Face the fact: teen rebellion is unavoidable.
Just like falling in love.
Yes. Your child is growing and will sooner or later encounter their first love. Whatever barriers education or family will build, the teenager will break them all. And the more you try to imprison him/her, the more he/she will do things wrong. You will lose their trust and affection. You will find yourself with a depressively in love teen.
First love is usually very innocent. A smile, eye-contact… so what are we afraid of? Maybe we should apprehend this:
Influence + Heartbreak = risk of conversion
What do I mean by ‘risk of conversion’? I mean that when a teen first encounters love he/she views it like ‘what most teens see when they think of love + teens’ (scroll up and you’ll see it). But if he/she ends up heartbroken, two paths will open in front of him/her:
i) either become like those teens that do things wildly, like go for more… (i.e. what most adults see when they think of love + teens) and neglect studies;
ii) or become antisocial, have the I-hate-everyone-because-no-one-understands-me attitude, and be depressive while burying themselves in their studies.
What would you choose?
Yes, teachers are right: love makes your head hurt. But it is unavoidable. So instead of blocking the way and limiting the growth of teenagers, adults should walk beside them. Help them make the right decisions. Not mock their silly feelings or harassing them for having a private life.
The teenage years of one’s life are the hardest ones. Support and affection is greatly important. Feelings can’t be restricted… while studies can’t be ignored.
Don’t avoid the unavoidable. Wait for it, though, don’t rush. But be prepared when it comes.
‘When’, not ‘if’.
An Evil Nymph.
25 thoughts on “Why Avoid The Unavoidable?”
When is a powerful word. Full of hope and opportunity.
Yes, indeed, ‘when’ reaches for the unavoidable 😉 Thanks for coming by Leila!
Well said MD.
Avoid the unavoidable?! uhmmmm … why avoid? LOL
Alright.. what would I choose? uhmm.. After my last heartbreak, I choose to be bitter! Changing for bitter life!! Yah, am on it now! Trying to be!
Stay on your track MD.
Thank you Shira! Well don’t worry, sooner or later you’ll feel so much better than bitter 😀
Ever wise, Daphnee 🙂 Love the way your mind works xo
Thanks Aurora 🙂 I’m just a weird little girl who thinks too much ^^
A thoughtful post. It certainly made me think, as a mother of a teen.
Thinking… always very important before doing anything we could regret. I’m glad you liked it 🙂
You sound too old for your years, Daphne and I mean that in a good way 🙂 I’ve never dated before and I’m cool with that.Yep, you read right. I’ve awarded you with the Versatile Blogger award though I know you’ve got tons of thoes one more can’t hurt 😀
Here’s the link: http://hotchocolateandbooks.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/versatile-blog-award/
Thanks 🙂 I’ve never dated either but I fell in love a lot 😛 aww thank you so much for the award!!
You’re very welcome 🙂 and yes me too, love’s rather unavoidable, and it’s another matter entirely when you fall out of it 😛
Good for you! Smart advice… 😉
Thank you 🙂
Love Neil Gaiman’s Sandman! Thanks for this post!
Yeah me too! My pleasure
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and supporting my blog. I nominated you for an award. You’ll find the rules at http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/aww-shucks/
Congratulations and I hope you’ll spread the love.
It’s a pleasure! Aww thank you so much!
What age is it where we forget how we felt when we were teens? I want to mark it on my calendar. Love needs to be learned like everything else. I was definitely more of a ii) but I didn’t really hate everyone, just boys and just for a while. Great post, MD!
I dread the day I will forget everything about teens. That’s why I’m blogging about them 🙂 for everyone to remember. Yes I was the same! thanks for coming by Anne!
Wow, so this totally brought back memories of when I was your age (which was about 13 years ago). I remember feeling this exact same way, and I was extremely rebellious (i) because I felt like my parents were too strict and didn’t understand me. I felt like I worked so hard in school and working jobs and extracurricular activities, but that the good things about me didn’t get noticed. Like you said, support and affection are really important for teenagers, especially when at that age people feel like they’re going through so much and experiencing all of these crazy emotions that they sometimes don’t know how to deal with. I, particularly, experienced a lot of negatives things that made me angry, stressed, sad, and fearful.
Now that I am much older, I can more easily see both sides of the coin. I think there’s some things my parents could have dealt with differently, more effectively, but I understand that they’re not perfect and, as you said, were probably acting out of fear of what might happen to me (and rightfully so), and also love. At the same time, I think some of the things that they said, which at the time I didn’t want to hear, were really beneficial for me later on when I did eventually come to truly understand their perspective. So I think that despite it not getting through my head at the time, it still helped for them to hammer home certain messages. I also, when I got older, felt a lot of guilt for having been so rebellious and not listening to my parents more. At the time, I really thought — knew, in my head — that I was the one who was right and they just didn’t understand or care. So I treated them as people who I felt weren’t caring to understand me. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that guilt, but I think I’m getting there 🙂
Anyways, I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m preaching, because believe me, I’m not and you’re totally right — teenagers need to have a balance of studies and their other life. This is just really a reflection of how your post got me thinking about my years growing up 🙂
Sorry for the long comment! Great post 🙂
Wow thanks for sharing such a detailed opinion on this subject – anyway the purpose of this post was indeed to make people think 🙂 When I’ll become an adult I wonder how I will feel towards this…
Anyway, thanks again for visiting!
You are pretty wise for your age. It will serve you well in life. My kids aren’t teens yet, so it’s nice to get reintroduced to this by a teen living in today’s world.
Thank you! Ah you still have time to prepare yourself then 🙂