Does all flirting have to be as aggressive as a Carly Rae Jepsen song?
I like the intrigue. To take a guy who may or may not be interested and get his tethered into my sexual orbit. It’s opaque at times, mildly aggressive at others, but I always try to keep myself at a distance. Let him wonder.
That is NOT the approach that many of my friends are now taking. Like the last remaining deserts at a wedding buffet, my female friends are all but clawing each other’s eyes out to get themselves in front of a man. They are competitive with each other, which is completely okay, but what’s concerning is that they aren’t as much flirting or seducing these men as they are tackling them with sexuality.
We’ve all stopped to wearing slutty Halloween costumes. Pin a tail on some dark spandex and toss on some ears, VOILA, you are an attractive anthropomorphic mouse. But the attitude of that one night seems to be extending itself into more and more evenings with my friends. Take for example the sing by Carly Rae Jepsen, ‘Call Me Maybe’. The song has lyrics and a beat that are catchy and repetitive, which is large part is why so many people have purchased it on iTunes. But there is another reason. The message is sexually aggressive for women, which is both empowering (taking control) and off-putting (too aggressive). A growing number of my friends are using this approach, but for me I still like to play coy.
Seduction and sluttiness are not synonymous. To seduce a man takes a certain amount of skill, patience and confidence. Sluttiness takes much, much less effort. The art of seduction is a smile, an agreement to call, maybe even a witty text message or two. I want my partner to feel enthralled with the chase, to make me seem both attainable but inaccessible, he’s the cat and I’m the mouse (fully clothed!)
I recently met a guy at my friend’s kickball game. He was attractive and was interested in me. He invited me to go out to the bars after the game was over, but I declined and said that I’d be around later in the week if he was interested in meeting up with some of our mutual friends. He accepted and gave me his number. I texted later in the week, something that showed interest but keep distance, and then met him at the agreed upon bar with our friends. We struck up a conversation that lasted most of the night and I left him with instructions to text me if something fun was going on that weekend. When he texted later that weekend, I declined his first offer (I really was busy), but accepted his second. We are going on our first real date in a few days.
Nothing earth shattering by I’ve definitely flirted my way into a well-balanced relationship with a guy who can trust that I won’t be a knock around lass. That for me is the power of good seduction: To keep control of the variable as long as possible, to make yourself confident and scarce.
The lead female voice at DatingWebsites.com, Lilly is a professional advice-giver with experiences in dating men of all types, including the good ones that got away. Her passions include white wine, purple peonies and relaxing on the chaise lounge with her dachshund Samantha. Lily’s work can be read on dating blogs for both men and women.