In a nutshell, I’ve changed from this girl:
…to that girl:
I wouldn’t say that they are completely different from each other, but I would say that the transition from one to another made me rediscover who I really wanted to be, or how I really wanted to portray myself to the world.
Yes, I might get a bit philosophical here, because the changes were not only about my fashion preferences—although I’m sure I freaked out a lot of people (sister included haha) when I bought a freaking bomber jacket and a cap. I even received a snapback as a birthday present! (oh yes, I turned 22 on the 3rd of May!) Let’s say that having to wear sports shoes almost everyday because of dance classes and rehearsals (for events’ performances) did completely alter the way I’d dress up in the morning—usually known as the ‘boots girl’, I only had a pair of sports shoes rotting in my closet for special cases like going for a hike with friends, as a default must-have for a student. I only wore those shoes around once a year or so. That is, until I started dancing.
But frankly, it was more than a shift in style. I used to tell people that I’d never dance—I’ve literally tried out most of the arts that exist except for dance. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it. Although I loved to dress like a girl, I didn’t feel comfortable dancing like a girl. Street dance gave me a bit more leeway. I was thinking of joining hip hop, because it would be very far from ‘girlstyle’ dances. The first classes were trial classes, therefore were free of charge. I joined hip hop and street jazz, the latter being a mix of jazz (kinda girly) and street dance, for fun.
I ended up doing street jazz and dropping hip hop. I dropped hip hop not because I didn’t like it but because I felt that I wasn’t going to be able to commit to both street jazz and hip hop (since I was doing other stuff in other clubs + hey, studies!). And I loved street jazz. I didn’t want to drop it. It was either going for street jazz and hip hop or only street jazz. Street jazz was number one on my list, which surprised me a lot. That first class was so bad because I had never learnt how to shake my hips or be sexy in any way—I never wanted to be that kind of girl. But the song we were working on was so catchy… and empowering in a way. I felt that moving your hips and learning how to catwalk properly in street dance was a confidence booster for me. I didn’t have to have a perfect body to dance girlstyle. I didn’t feel ‘womanized’ or anything of the sort.
I just felt like I was starting to love my body more, as it is. To accept it, and push it to its limits. Be fierce, be confident. Look at the mirror, roll your chest, stick out your hips, walk; everyone can do it. Flip your hair, smile; you are strong. You don’t have to physically change anything about yourself, only your attitude towards yourself.
There, you are striking; beautiful.
Dancing on stage also reminded how much I do love performing in general. I’ve been into theatre acting since I was 10 and I’ve never stopped. Dancing is just another step into the performing arts. I love it. I love how it makes me feel.
So fast forward to today. At 22, I want to be more comfortable in my skin.
In terms of my change in fashion, I’m actually trying to merge the two girls at the beginning together. I love when I can just wear a pair of comfy leggings, an oversized tee, all wrapped up in a jacket, paired with my classic boots. Or when I mix my dresses (frankly I didn’t own leggings or even wore pants before I joined street dance) with that jacket to play it down… and make my outfit a bit more… daring, unconventional… confident.
From that sweet 21-year-old girl…
…to that 22-year-old!
Oh and I bought contact lenses!!! ME!!! This is something else that I used to tell people that I’d never wear contacts… but as soon as I started dancing, I just couldn’t deal with my glasses anymore. Besides, I can finally show off my makeup without it being hidden behind the frames!
I guess I used to find my no-glasses face plain and uninteresting… but it is not so. With or without glasses, I am who I am and I love it.
So this is technically a long overdue post-birthday post, but anyway, if you have made it this far, thank you for reading!
Never give up on yourself.
An Evil Nymph.