Chronicles Of My Teenage Depression | Collected Stories

Hi guys! It’s been a while! I’m currently reviving my Medium blog to act as a complement to my new official blog. While going through my writing pieces on Medium, I found that I used to write a kind of ‘Depression’ series. These blog posts are now irrelevant to my content on that platform, but I didn’t want to just delete them, so I’ve decided to keep them here. Enjoy the collected writing pieces on my teenage depression! 

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1.

The Only Time I Was Depressed

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She had been depressed before, but she had never been Depressed. She had had her sad days, because life was made to have ups and downs, but she had never felt to be at a point outside of the graph, without a clue where to go next.

At that specific point, there was no beginning, no continuation, no end. She just was. And it felt like she would always be.

In her sleep, she was lost in a film of nightmares. When she was awake, she hid behind a curtain of tears. No, she did not always cry, but she always wanted to, and so her eyes.

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I’M TRANSFERRING!

Hi guys,

This is a short update on my blogging situation. As you may have known, I have a second blog, specialised in articles on the lifestyle of international students abroad. However, if you’ve been following this blog here for a while, you may know that I am barely able to write on a regular basis ever since I started my first full-time job.

It’s been a hard decision to make but I’ve chosen to merge An Evil Nymph’s Blog and my student blog so that I can focus on only one blog. And the blog I’ve chosen to keep updating is my second blog, dkwaye.com. I’ve chosen my latest blog for obvious reasons: I’m paying for the domain and web hosting services.

Thus, as from now on, my future blog posts will be published on the other blog. If you do want to keep up with my writing, do not hesitate to subscribe to it using this link.

You can also follow its Facebook page to stay updated about new blog posts!

It’s not easy to part with this blog. After all, it’s been 6 years! Nevertheless, I am not shutting it down, so who knows, I may come back for a blog post or two. 🙂 An Evil Nymph’s Blog is yet to die.

I’m simply shifting my focus.

I hope you’ll join me on my next blogging adventure!

An Evil Nymph.

Why Looking For Your Dream Job Is Just Not Enough…

Ever since I’ve started this blog (back in 2011!), I’ve openly written that my dream job was to be a writer. At first, I meant fiction writer, but as adulthood and the realities of the real world sank in, I diverted to becoming a freelance writer.

Being a freelance writer was not too bad. But at the end of the day, I was like: ‘is that it?’

Is this what ‘living the dream’ meant?

It was exciting to finally get paid to write, yes, but there was nothing more to it. So I started questioning myself: was being a writer really my dream job? Was this what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? The answer arose almost immediately: no.

That was when I decided to ‘change career paths’ and divert to digital marketing. However, my previous freelance work kept attracting companies and writing opportunities, so I ended up merging both my interest in marketing and my content writing skills.

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What’s Next In 2018?

I think it’s time I stop apologising for not writing on this blog for a long period of time; it has almost become like a regular blogging pattern by itself.

Ever since I left Mauritius in 2014 to pursue a Bachelor of Arts in Malaysia I’ve been finding less and less time for blogging on this blog. But I’ve been writing more. Writing assignments and essays, then it slowly evolved to writing online articles and more assignments for companies who paid me.

I remember that getting paid for my writing was a huge achievement for me. I had this feeling of ‘I made it’. I had always wanted to prove to the world that I was meant to be a writer (although I did mean fiction writer…). But then, it wasn’t so special anymore. Writing is now just a job.

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Feeling Homesick In Your Own Home

*FYI: This post was looong overdue.

I think this is the worst feeling in the world: to go home and realise you feel like a complete stranger.

It’s been two weeks since I returned to Mauritius, my home country, definitively. I had said my goodbyes in Malaysia, knowing that I may not go back there anytime soon. The last weeks spent with my friends were a blast; for once, I spent my money like I was really on vacation (after being on a student budget for so long!).

My first week in Mauritius was not too bad, mainly because I did go back for about a month in October and also because I immediately started working.

The homesickness didn’t come all at once or in full-force. It came gradually, like a wave. It comes into little cracks, cracks you don’t know about. It starts when I catch myself checking Instagram less and less, fearing that I’ll miss my ‘old life’. It is here when Saturday comes and all of my close friends are abroad. On Friday nights.

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What Does Happiness Mean At 22?

Most of the time, people mistake ‘happiness’ as the life goal. A destination we have yet to reach. But you have heard of that ‘Instagrammable’ inspirational quote which says that happiness is, instead, the journey.

Unfortunately, quotes don’t solve any problem. And sometimes, they are so simplified that we tend to misunderstand them. Yes, I agree that happiness is the journey, but it doesn’t mean that our new goal is to now be happy all the time. That’s where people get the concept of happiness wrong: it is not constant. Your journey doesn’t have to be always bright and beautiful. There will be storms.

It’s time to delete that misconception from your neurotic pathways. Happiness is not constant. If, after reading the quote, you’ve set yourself to achieve 100% happiness in your day-to-day, you are bound to failure and disappointment. Happiness isn’t the destination, but it is not entirely the journey either.

So what is happiness? And how dare a 22-year-old like me lecture you on such ‘wisdom’?

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Not Giving Up: Why Is It So Hard?

Throughout my life, I’ve found it easier to give up on my professional dreams rather than relationships. Ever since I was a young teenager, I’d be discouraged to pursue anything ‘artsy’ as a career path. But at school, with my friends, I’d learnt to never give up on your feelings.

I was allowed to love, but I wasn’t allowed to dream. 

The term ‘unrequited love’ was the definition of my love life for as long as I remember falling in love. Yet, it only made sense to me to keep on trying. I’d get rejected by a guy, but as soon as another guy would come along, I’d forget all about the previous one and pursue the next.

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Post-Graduation Blues: What’s Next?

This is the post that I’ve been struggling to write. It’s this post that I couldn’t bring myself to publish. I didn’t blog for a month because of it.

I could just have brushed it off and removed it from my schedule. But I do insist on putting it out there. Then, we can go back to posts like the one I wrote last week on Asian movies.

Among all the blogs I’ve written, this is the only one that is still going strong 6 years later. Among all of them, this is the only one which I deem to be my ‘personal’ one. A blog that’s for everything and anything. No niche, no marketing. Just you and me.

And that’s why I wanna share this part of my life with you.

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7 AMAZING Asian Movies You Probably Haven’t Watched

Okay, you probably did watch a few on the list, but not everything, right? (If you did, you are either one of my really close university friends or… WE ARE MEANT TO BE!)

Hi. It’s been a while since I wrote. That blogging schedule didn’t go according to plan, uh. The past weeks (or is it ‘months’?) have been… hard. Pretty much life-changing. It’s been hard to get back to writing.

There were so many topics I wanted to write on, but every time I would bring myself to opening WordPress, I’d write the title and nothing else. So I decided to get back into my usual self by writing a rather ‘easy’ post.

My friend and I have been exchanging movies for a while now, but I never write about the beautiful films I end up stumbling upon! There are so many lost treasures in the film industry! 

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On Staying Productive And Sane At University | #BackToSchool LINK ROUNDUP

I haven’t been blogging for a month and I apologise for that. Ironically, my last post was on my 6th anniversary with WordPress. Well, life happens, and I will keep that for another post.

Another month has passed, and despite everything that has paralysed me to write here, I’ve been able to publish a few posts in my student blog. I admit I’ve been writing less, going from 3 posts a week to 1. But, at the same time, the semester gets more hectic by the hour for my fellow student readers, thus maybe it’s best to keep it at a post a week. For sanity.

So, as I’ve said before, I’m going to be compiling all the posts from my student blog once in a while over here, for those who haven’t caught up with everything yet.

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Dear WordPress, It’s Our 6th Anniversary Together.

These past 6 years have been a crazy ride. It’s been complicated.

I’ve not always been the blogger you’ve wanted me to be. Especially for the past three years or so. First, I’d always forget about our anniversary. You’d constantly had to remind me about it. But I logged in so rarely that I’d see your reminder way too late.

I’m actually surprised I remembered this year. Well, I did see your reminder. But I was on time. And I shouted it out to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. And I was proud to have been blogging for that long.

I didn’t always feel that way.

Continue reading “Dear WordPress, It’s Our 6th Anniversary Together.”

How to Get the Best Experience Out of University? | NEW BLOG ROUNDUP

As you may know, for the past month, I have been working on my new self-hosted blog for University/college students. I’m aiming to create content that will help them get the best out of their university experience.

Basically, it’s like a survival guide for students.

In case you have missed the news completely, I’ve decided to do a link roundup here so that you can catch up with my other content. Maybe this will be a monthly thing.Besides, you could

Besides, you could also share this with students you may know out there who are going through college!

So here it goes…

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How to help a friend who’s suffering from an eating disorder [Guest Post]

This post was written by Nicola Smith.

Watching important people in your life suffer from an illness is excruciating. Not only are you trying to manage the difficulties of seeing someone you love suffering, but it can also be hard to know how to support and help people in these situations. Eating disorders can be difficult to deal with because of the sensitivity of discussing the illness with your friend in need.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) defines anorexia nervosa as, ‘a persistent refusal to eat sufficient food to maintain a healthy weight’. Anorexia nervosa sufferers often see themselves as overweight, regardless of their true physical state resulting in extreme abstinence from food until serious health complications force treatment.

Anorexia is an unintentional loss of appetite or lack of interest in food. This loss of appetite is often caused by an underlying medical condition.

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Have I Given Up On Travelling?

Honestly, this post was so hard to write. My thoughts are all over the place and I apologise.

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I’ve had this blog post idea for a long time now. It’s been on my list of ‘topics to write on’ for months.

The original title was “I gave up on travelling.” But I decided to change it. Why?

Who I was months ago had a different perspective and mindset when she wrote that title. Who I am now has gone through a lot of post-graduation thoughts about the future… and some kind of epiphany about who, where, how I want to be.

Back then, even though I didn’t seem like it, I was against travelling as a student, unless you could afford it, i.e. your parents are freaking tolerant about you spending their money (mine aren’t).

Continue reading “Have I Given Up On Travelling?”