What’s Next In 2018?

I think it’s time I stop apologising for not writing on this blog for a long period of time; it has almost become like a regular blogging pattern by itself.

Ever since I left Mauritius in 2014 to pursue a Bachelor of Arts in Malaysia I’ve been finding less and less time for blogging on this blog. But I’ve been writing more. Writing assignments and essays, then it slowly evolved to writing online articles and more assignments for companies who paid me.

I remember that getting paid for my writing was a huge achievement for me. I had this feeling of ‘I made it’. I had always wanted to prove to the world that I was meant to be a writer (although I did mean fiction writer…). But then, it wasn’t so special anymore. Writing is now just a job.

Feeling Homesick In Your Own Home

*FYI: This post was looong overdue.

I think this is the worst feeling in the world: to go home and realise you feel like a complete stranger.

It’s been two weeks since I returned to Mauritius, my home country, definitively. I had said my goodbyes in Malaysia, knowing that I may not go back there anytime soon. The last weeks spent with my friends were a blast; for once, I spent my money like I was really on vacation (after being on a student budget for so long!).

My first week in Mauritius was not too bad, mainly because I did go back for about a month in October and also because I immediately started working.

The homesickness didn’t come all at once or in full-force. It came gradually, like a wave. It comes into little cracks, cracks you don’t know about. It starts when I catch myself checking Instagram less and less, fearing that I’ll miss my ‘old life’. It is here when Saturday comes and all of my close friends are abroad. On Friday nights.

What Does Happiness Mean At 22?

Most of the time, people mistake ‘happiness’ as the life goal. A destination we have yet to reach. But you have heard of that ‘Instagrammable’ inspirational quote which says that happiness is, instead, the journey.

Unfortunately, quotes don’t solve any problem. And sometimes, they are so simplified that we tend to misunderstand them. Yes, I agree that happiness is the journey, but it doesn’t mean that our new goal is to now be happy all the time. That’s where people get the concept of happiness wrong: it is not constant. Your journey doesn’t have to be always bright and beautiful. There will be storms.

It’s time to delete that misconception from your neurotic pathways. Happiness is not constant. If, after reading the quote, you’ve set yourself to achieve 100% happiness in your day-to-day, you are bound to failure and disappointment. Happiness isn’t the destination, but it is not entirely the journey either.

So what is happiness? And how dare a 22-year-old like me lecture you on such ‘wisdom’?

Not Giving Up: Why Is It So Hard?

Throughout my life, I’ve found it easier to give up on my professional dreams rather than relationships. Ever since I was a young teenager, I’d be discouraged to pursue anything ‘artsy’ as a career path. But at school, with my friends, I’d learnt to never give up on your feelings.

I was allowed to love, but I wasn’t allowed to dream. 

The term ‘unrequited love’ was the definition of my love life for as long as I remember falling in love. Yet, it only made sense to me to keep on trying. I’d get rejected by a guy, but as soon as another guy would come along, I’d forget all about the previous one and pursue the next.

Post-Graduation Blues: What’s Next?

This is the post that I’ve been struggling to write. It’s this post that I couldn’t bring myself to publish. I didn’t blog for a month because of it.

I could just have brushed it off and removed it from my schedule. But I do insist on putting it out there. Then, we can go back to posts like the one I wrote last week on Asian movies.

Among all the blogs I’ve written, this is the only one that is still going strong 6 years later. Among all of them, this is the only one which I deem to be my ‘personal’ one. A blog that’s for everything and anything. No niche, no marketing. Just you and me.

And that’s why I wanna share this part of my life with you.

Have I Given Up On Travelling?

Honestly, this post was so hard to write. My thoughts are all over the place and I apologise.

***

I’ve had this blog post idea for a long time now. It’s been on my list of ‘topics to write on’ for months.

The original title was “I gave up on travelling.” But I decided to change it. Why?

Who I was months ago had a different perspective and mindset when she wrote that title. Who I am now has gone through a lot of post-graduation thoughts about the future… and some kind of epiphany about who, where, how I want to be.

Back then, even though I didn’t seem like it, I was against travelling as a student, unless you could afford it, i.e. your parents are freaking tolerant about you spending their money (mine aren’t).

Am I Even Mauritian?

This is a list of why I don’t feel like I’m Mauritian.

The Beach

I’ve lived in front of a waterfront and within 10-15 minutes from a beautiful beach for 19 years, and frankly, I don’t miss it. I haven’t been to a beach for more than a year, and I don’t care. That’s also why I’ve never been interested into travelling to ‘beach’ islands around Malaysia.

Language

The most common language Mauritians use to communicate with one another is Mauritian Creole. But my mum conditioned me to only speak French; she used to scold me if I spoke Creole when I was young. I do understand Creole and people do talk to me in Creole, but I always reply back in French. I just can’t bring myself to speak the Mauritian dialect.

Why I Don’t Like Parties

I’m a student living abroad on my own, and I don’t like to party.

I have no curfew, no parental restrictions, and I’m allowed to drink. I still don’t enjoy partying.

Let me give you the definition of ‘party’ at university (at least in my circle), to clear things up: clubbing. Dressing up and then getting drunk (preferably before going to the clubbing area—a whole row of loud bars and clubs), and then hopping a few clubs before finding one that you and your friends really like, I guess?—and finally go home with a hangover in the early hours of the morning.

But of course, everyone’s definition of ‘partying’ is different. For me, going clubbing used to be: dressing up as if you were going to a fancy dinner, drinking, dancing (this was actually our favourite part) and finally going home.

I’ve Changed—Ever Since I Got Into Street Dance

In a nutshell, I’ve changed from this girl:

…to that girl:

I wouldn’t say that they are completely different from each other, but I would say that the transition from one to another made me rediscover who I really wanted to be, or how I really wanted to portray myself to the world.

The 4 Core Values I Stand For

On Friday 17th February, I completed my internship at Mossery, a stationery brand startup that crafts beautiful customisable planners, sketchbooks and notebooks to the world. However, what I really found special about the company was its huge emphasis on nurturing and communicating values.

Throughout the 2 months and a half (or so) period I was there, I eventually started thinking about my own values. Everyone has a set of values they live by, but I was never really conscious of mine before. Finally, after some deep soul-searching, I figured out 4 core values that I’ve been following pretty much my whole life. And I’m sharing them here, in the hopes that you too will be inspire to look for your own.

1. Ancora imparo.

I am still learning. Okay, so it’s funny but this is the slogan of Monash university, which is basically how I discovered that beautiful, empowering yet humble phrase. At core, we, as human beings, will never cease to learn. If we want to grow, we have to keep on learning.

The 8 [Asian] Things I’m Thankful For

I binge-watched Fresh Off the Boat for this Chinese New Year, and it’s actually the first sitcom that I’ve dedicated myself to (i.e. I’m not missing any episodes and I’m collecting all of them on my drive – I’ve never done that, nope, not even for Friends). Why? Because I can 100% relate to it! They’re an Asian family – I’m Asian! Despite being on the other side of the world, we end up sharing the same values, values that I’m constantly reminded of during Chinese New Year.

Therefore, today, I’d like to briefly share with you 8 (Asian) things I’m thankful for, on this new year:

1. The importance of always having grandma-delicious Chinese home-cooked food in the house.
2. Being money-minded, a.k.a. saving money, finding the best deals.
3. Being encouraged to do your best; aim to excel at what you do.
4. Having a loving extended family.
5. The ‘show, don’t tell’ attitude, especially when it comes to love.
6. The importance of hard work, because you gotta work to get what you want.
7. Our rich, though very superstitious, culture.
8. Our privilege: my ancestors have immigrated for our generations to live a better life and we should never forget that.

*Frankly, I’ve been putting off writing this post since Sunday. It was supposed to be a long and meaningful post, but I ended up writing it as a short and sweet one. I think that my CNY holidays have given me ample time to reflect… and I guess I’m currently fighting my own battles. Maybe to be explained in a future post.*

Enjoy the rest of the week! Wishing you a Happy Chinese New Year of the Rooster!

An Evil Nymph.

I Will Miss Campus Life

Last weekend, I met up with my university friends, both on Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday our meeting point was at the campus itself. And after spending such enjoyable days with them, I realised that I will miss this after I graduate.

I will miss my student life on campus. I will miss the late nights I spend with my friends, living on the cheap. I will miss the feeling of walking to school. I will miss all of it. 

I have only one semester left. I’m graduating in July this year… and I might not be turning back. Which means that I might not pursue a Honours year/4th year, because I might prefer to work first and then do a Masters later on, probably somewhere else, somewhere new. After this, I am, most likely, moving on.

Nevertheless, with a heavy heart.

Who I Am Becoming In 2017

At the last few seconds of 2016, I stood strong, waiting for the fireworks. At the first few minutes of 2017, I noticed how my arm was not tired, my hands not trembling, from holding up my phone to film those 10 continuous minutes of beautiful bursting fires in the sky. That actually surprised me; it seemed that my workout sessions, as irregular as they can get because a university student’s irregular schedule, had paid off.

For many, this is probably a very small insignificant detail, but to me, at that moment, it meant everything. I only started taking care of my fitness and physical health in April 2016 for the first time in my life, and I have come far in terms of physical endurance, as well as pain tolerance and delayed gratification. Maybe not as far as I could have, but far enough.

But most importantly, I stood mentally strong. 

There was a point in 2016 where I felt that all the hardwork I had put into building myself for the past 2 years of staying on my own in Malaysia, all the efforts put into self-esteem and confidence, had been in vain as I was crumbling back to being shy and insecure about the slightest of things. As the saying goes, it takes time to create something, but one second to destroy it. And I had to rebuilt myself in the last months of 2016. I had to slowly but surely get back up and move on with life.

When Christmas Is Just Another Day

25/12/2016

Today I’m celebrating Christmas… just like any other (Sun)day.

I woke up as usual, did a morning workout, ate breakfast, all without hearing Christmas songs or gifts being unwrapped under the Christmas tree. To be honest, I didn’t even buy a Christmas tree.

However, I did go out and did some last minute Christmas shopping for an upcoming special event. Then, I went to watch Rogue One: A Star Wars Story on the way. After some grocery shopping, I finally went back home. It was definitely the ‘calmest’ Christmas I have ever spent.

It didn’t disturb me at all. I just felt… at peace. 

I don’t need a fancy Christmas tree or new clothes or a huge dinner to feel the spirit of Christmas. If Christmas is all about giving without expecting anything in return, giving in genuineness, love and kindness, then I have spent a good Christmas, and it’s enough.

Have I defeated the power of the commercialisation of Christmas? Yes. Maybe. Almost 🙂

Anyway, I would just like to keep it short and wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Love,

An Evil Nymph.