Hi guys! It’s been a while! I’m currently reviving my Medium blog to act as a complement to my new official blog. While going through my writing pieces on Medium, I found that I used to write a kind of ‘Depression’ series. These blog posts are now irrelevant to my content on that platform, but I didn’t want to just delete them, so I’ve decided to keep them here. Enjoy the collected writing pieces on my teenage depression!
The Only Time I Was Depressed
She had been depressed before, but she had never been Depressed. She had had her sad days, because life was made to have ups and downs, but she had never felt to be at a point outside of the graph, without a clue where to go next.
At that specific point, there was no beginning, no continuation, no end. She just was. And it felt like she would always be.
In her sleep, she was lost in a film of nightmares. When she was awake, she hid behind a curtain of tears. No, she did not always cry, but she always wanted to, and so her eyes.
Continue reading “Chronicles Of My Teenage Depression | Collected Stories”
This is the post that I’ve been struggling to write. It’s this post that I couldn’t bring myself to publish. I didn’t blog for a month because of it.
I could just have brushed it off and removed it from my schedule. But I do insist on putting it out there. Then, we can go back to posts like the one I wrote last week on Asian movies.
Among all the blogs I’ve written, this is the only one that is still going strong 6 years later. Among all of them, this is the only one which I deem to be my ‘personal’ one. A blog that’s for everything and anything. No niche, no marketing. Just you and me.
And that’s why I wanna share this part of my life with you.
Continue reading “Post-Graduation Blues: What’s Next?”
You’d be walking by the road and chatting with your friends, when suddenly an unstoppable force would pull you out in a blurred mixture of melting colours, as you hear a weirdly familiar melody becoming louder and louder…
And the next thing you know, you are in bed, with your morning alarm ringing next to your ears. You feel the brightness of your phone’s screen glaring back at you as you struggle to move your arms and fingers to swipe and shut that noise down. The realisation of the beginning of day dawns on you as you think of the first few things you have to do this morning.
Another fifteen minutes, you say. You’ve set up more than one alarm. It’ll be easier to wake you up the second time.
Continue reading “On The Will To Get Out Of Bed”
She died the day she turned 20.
It attacked her and destroyed who she was. It stole her heart and everything that mattered. She was left lying on the ground, with only a body of air and dirt. Nevertheless, she stood up again and faced the sun. In its haste, it left a piece of her soul. She took one step at a time back to life.
But it came back for it.
At that moment, she laughed. Her body shook uncontrollably. “Take it all, take it all,” she said. Because being 20 made her realise that Life was indeed merciless. And she was left with nothing.
She was only 20, and yet, she was dead, dead in an empty bottle; still she was living, living in death. She kept on taking one step at a time, into certain nothingness. She bumped into other bodies; she met with new experiences. Life was being thrown at her but she could not return the favour.
She might as well have been a porcelain doll. She was played with, but she could not play with.
This picture was taken during our annual Monash ball 2015 at the Majestic Hotel and features a real performer, posing as a kind of statue.
An Evil Nymph.
**Surely this is a continuation of my Psychology series where I write down whatever crazy observations I make about mental and personality… derangements (I don’t have a degree yet so ‘health’ or ‘disorders’ would be too professional, which I’m not. At all.). Actually just read for fun or if you like to overthink like me and crave for thought-provoking stuff.**
Read that title again. Now, what if I had written ‘I am depressed… and I can’t bear it anymore’? You’d have a different response to that, right? So being sad and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are alarming and should even be clinically considered, but being angry and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are not?
What I want to mainly point out in this post is that I’ve been surprised to discover that ‘anger’ is neglected by the exceptional APA (American Psycho Association, something like that :P) while ‘depression’ is well… it’s all over the place among the pages of the DSM (Bible of Psys)! Wtf?
Before you tell me, hey but there’s the Intermittent Explosive Disorder that’s all about being angry, you should reflect on the fact that it’s not called ‘Anger Disorder’ which only adds to the realisation that this disorder only focuses on only one type of anger (among manyyy)… which is poor compared to the amount of different types of depression that officially exist!
Continue reading “I Am Angry… And I Can’t Bear It Anymore”
Hi everyone! On this New Year’s Eve, I’ll be doing everything that needs to be done for this last day of 2012, mainly, the WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: My 2012 in Pictures, the WordPress annual report, some ramblings on the 2012-13 transition…
First of all, for this week’s photo challenge, it was suggested that we present 12 photos at least in a gallery to make an overview of 2012, but I’m going to break the rules and thus here’s my contribution:
My 2012 in 1 Picture
Continue reading “An Evil Nymph’s 2012 Overview! (Happy New Year 2013!)”
It’s that time of the year again when I, as a high school student, have to give my best to the final exams of the year, to apply all that I have learnt in one year and apply them well so as to be able to pass on to the next new school year. Yep, here in Mauritius we follow the British education system, mainly the Cambridge syllabus.
And next year will be my last year in secondary school, I will be sitting for the A-level CIE (Cambridge International Examinations), which will determine my future! I mean, the end results of those six years of secondary school will lie in these exams and will enable me to jump to a new educational level, that is the tertiary/university level.
That is, if I get good grades.
Continue reading “Why I Believe That ‘Revision = Depression’.”
Often when I’m depressed/upset and don’t know what to do, I opened my Google Chrome browser and search for ‘things to do when you’re upset’ on Google. Much to my disappointment the lists given weren’t that useful as they mostly tackled the long-term depression period, while I’m just searching for some things to do NOW, stuck at home, to cheer me up. Also, there is no particular order in these list, except that maybe some of them start with the most effective one: help someone.
Sincerely, I think it’s ridiculous to place it on top of the list. Of course, helping others enables us to think of something else except our worries, yet as I said, it’s long-term – it needs preparation, planning, thinking… Well, all the things I don’t want to do instantly when I’m depressed. I have to calm down my depression first.
Continue reading “5 EFFECTIVE Things To Do When You’re Upset”
When I was about 13 years old I was fascinated about songwriting. I loved to write… and what is better for a young teenage than to express her messy feelings by a song. Well in fact I only wrote. I did not know – and I still do not – how to compose a song, with the melodies and staffs…
I was flipping through the pages of my small ‘songs’ copybook and I found a short and lovely one called ‘A Faded Flower’ which I want to share with you today.
Continue reading “A Faded Flower”