Chronicles Of My Teenage Depression | Collected Stories

Hi guys! It’s been a while! I’m currently reviving my Medium blog to act as a complement to my new official blog. While going through my writing pieces on Medium, I found that I used to write a kind of ‘Depression’ series. These blog posts are now irrelevant to my content on that platform, but I didn’t want to just delete them, so I’ve decided to keep them here. Enjoy the collected writing pieces on my teenage depression! 

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1.

The Only Time I Was Depressed

She had been depressed before, but she had never been Depressed. She had had her sad days, because life was made to have ups and downs, but she had never felt to be at a point outside of the graph, without a clue where to go next.

At that specific point, there was no beginning, no continuation, no end. She just was. And it felt like she would always be.

In her sleep, she was lost in a film of nightmares. When she was awake, she hid behind a curtain of tears. No, she did not always cry, but she always wanted to, and so her eyes.

2 Key Habits of Mental Health Counselors that We All Need to Put into Practice

On the 10th September, we are reminded that a person dies of suicide every 40 seconds, commemorating World Suicide Prevention Day.

On the 10th October, we will be reminded that mental health issues are a part of reality and we need to be aware of them, not take them lightly. It will be World Mental Health Day.

On the 3rd September, my friends and I, as our school’s Mental Health Ambassadors, attended a Suicide Prevention workshop, organized by Befrienders, a Malaysian NGO and helpline that offers emotional support and promotes psychological well-being.

As a psychology undergrad student, the topics surrounding suicide, depression, anxiety and the likes were nothing new to me. As one trained in mental health first aid, immediate interventions regarding psychological distress were also not novelties. As a current mental health counselling student (taking it as an elective this very semester), the workshop was more of a refreshing aspect than anything else. Yet.

Yet, this workshop still made a significant difference in my perspectives regarding mental health awareness.

On The Will To Get Out Of Bed

You’d be walking by the road and chatting with your friends, when suddenly an unstoppable force would pull you out in a blurred mixture of melting colours, as you hear a weirdly familiar melody becoming louder and louder…

And the next thing you know, you are in bed, with your morning alarm ringing next to your ears. You feel the brightness of your phone’s screen glaring back at you as you struggle to move your arms and fingers to swipe and shut that noise down. The realisation of the beginning of day dawns on you as you think of the first few things you have to do this morning.

Another fifteen minutes, you say. You’ve set up more than one alarm. It’ll be easier to wake you up the second time.

The Day She Died.

She died the day she turned 20.

It attacked her and destroyed who she was. It stole her heart and everything that mattered. She was left lying on the ground, with only a body of air and dirt. Nevertheless, she stood up again and faced the sun. In its haste, it left a piece of her soul. She took one step at a time back to life.

But it came back for it.

At that moment, she laughed. Her body shook uncontrollably. “Take it all, take it all,” she said. Because being 20 made her realise that Life was indeed merciless. And she was left with nothing.

She was only 20, and yet, she was dead, dead in an empty bottle; still she was living, living in death. She kept on taking one step at a time, into certain nothingness. She bumped into other bodies; she met with new experiences. Life was being thrown at her but she could not return the favour.

She might as well have been a porcelain doll. She was played with, but she could not play with.

This picture was taken during our annual Monash ball 2015 at the Majestic Hotel and features a real performer, posing as a kind of statue.

An Evil Nymph.

I Am Angry… And I Can’t Bear It Anymore

**Surely this is a continuation of my Psychology series where I write down whatever crazy observations I make about mental and personality… derangements (I don’t have a degree yet so ‘health’ or ‘disorders’ would be too professional, which I’m not. At all.). Actually just read for fun or if you like to overthink like me and crave for thought-provoking stuff.**

Read that title again. Now, what if I had written ‘I am depressed… and I can’t bear it anymore’? You’d have a different response to that, right? So being sad and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are alarming and should even be clinically considered, but being angry and letting that feeling eat you from your insides are not?

What I want to mainly point out in this post is that I’ve been surprised to discover that ‘anger’ is neglected by the exceptional APA (American Psycho Association, something like that :P) while ‘depression’ is well… it’s all over the place among the pages of the DSM (Bible of Psys)! Wtf?

Before you tell me, hey but there’s the Intermittent Explosive Disorder that’s all about being angry, you should reflect on the fact that it’s not called ‘Anger Disorder’ which only adds to the realisation that this disorder only focuses on only one type of anger (among manyyy)… which is poor compared to the amount of different types of depression that officially exist!

10 Ways To Get Over… Just Anything At All!

Are you having a bad day?

Did you just break up?

Did you just realise that your crush and you are never going to be?

Did you spend hours on the same piece of art or writing, painting or drawing or typing or scribbling over and over again without getting the result you wanted?

Are you frustrated with life right now?

I know exactly how you feel, and that’s why I’ve been trying to find ways to cheer me up and one of the ways was to make this video for you! 🙂 Here:

Hope you liked my 10 ways to get over anything at all, and had a good laugh, because the real point of all these crazy things I dared to do in front of a camera is to make you have a good time for a few minutes, so that you’ll stop thinking or overthinking about your problems.

But eventually you have to go back to them. Well doesn’t matter, you’ve been entertained, and hopefully now you are more relaxed and alert to start working again and deliver good work or mainly start living again and deliver positive vibes all around you! 🙂 Believe me, people need these vibes as much as you.

Any more tips you’d like to share on how to get over it? It like anything at all? Comment below!

An Evil Nymph.

Masterpiece from Hate. Use your negative emotions for writing. [Guest Post]

Creating By Channeling Your Negative Emotions

 

This article serves the purpose of helping people take their negative emotions and channel them into something useful and positive. Dealing with stress and anxiety can affect one’s mental health, so dealing with it in a healthy manner can reduce the intensity of these emotions over time. Consider using creative methods to deal with these emotions so that you can get on with your life and stop wasting time wallowing in these pessimistic feelings.

 

With all the expectations placed on us each and every day, it’s no wonder that the average level of stress experienced by people is increasing each year. There are different ways of coping with stress, such as exercise or doing yoga. However, have you ever considered channeling all of the stress and negative emotions associated with it towards something productive?

You would never think that you could get results out of using your negative emotions for something. Usually, people are trying to get rid of or ignore their negative emotions so that they can get on with their work. However, if you’re creative, you could produce something interesting out of what’s causing you to worry, such as writing. Some of the best writings come out of the most intense emotions ever experienced, and worry is one of them.

Here are some tips to keep in mind if you’re ever considering venting your troubles in this way.

“I’m Not Good Enough.”

This is something that is heard on many occasions, and in my surroundings it is heard especially from students, including me. Why such a low self-esteem attitude?

 

Peer pressure, you’d say? What about parent pressure?

Guest Post: Ways To Boost The Morale Of Your Physically Challenged Teen

Hey everyone! Since Chinese New Year, I’ve been so busy and now I have to catch up with work at school and so on, I’ve been overwhelmed by struggling to find my career path, well what I want to do in university next year, a lot of confusion and decisions to make… thus that’s why I seemed rather absent in the blogosphere. Moreover I’ve had some problems with the internet lately…

Thus, the blogging schedule is going to be a little distorted this week, (from last week in fact, since I made no ‘Weekly Photo Challenge’ post), but soon I’ll hopefully get back to my usual blogging pace. For today, here’s a little yet very instructive guest post by Jack Holland:

 

Ways To Boost The Morale Of Your Physically Challenged Teen

 

 

Being born with a physical disability like cerebral palsy, spina bifida or any of a host of others can be trying on any child. On teens— with the media, peer pressure, and the desire to fit in—it can be much worse.

My First Step Towards Self-Confidence

I thought I had self-confidence. I was an intelligent and well-loved girl. I was a dreamer. I lived in my own little world. I had friends, a family… what could possibly be wrong?

But then, when I had to sit for oral english examinations, I realise that in fact, I had a low self-esteem. I couldn’t firstly talk properly, I just ended up stammering and running out of words. Before I was really under stress. After I was drinking my whole bottle of water in one go – and of course I had to rush to the toilet.

I have never felt such panic in my whole short life.

Since that day, I knew that I was not ready at all for Life. I was still young so I fortunately can correct myself in time.

I lacked self-confidence.