Feeling Homesick In Your Own Home

*FYI: This post was looong overdue.

I think this is the worst feeling in the world: to go home and realise you feel like a complete stranger.

It’s been two weeks since I returned to Mauritius, my home country, definitively. I had said my goodbyes in Malaysia, knowing that I may not go back there anytime soon. The last weeks spent with my friends were a blast; for once, I spent my money like I was really on vacation (after being on a student budget for so long!).

My first week in Mauritius was not too bad, mainly because I did go back for about a month in October and also because I immediately started working.

The homesickness didn’t come all at once or in full-force. It came gradually, like a wave. It comes into little cracks, cracks you don’t know about. It starts when I catch myself checking Instagram less and less, fearing that I’ll miss my ‘old life’. It is here when Saturday comes and all of my close friends are abroad. On Friday nights.

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What Does Happiness Mean At 22?

Most of the time, people mistake ‘happiness’ as the life goal. A destination we have yet to reach. But you have heard of that ‘Instagrammable’ inspirational quote which says that happiness is, instead, the journey.

Unfortunately, quotes don’t solve any problem. And sometimes, they are so simplified that we tend to misunderstand them. Yes, I agree that happiness is the journey, but it doesn’t mean that our new goal is to now be happy all the time. That’s where people get the concept of happiness wrong: it is not constant. Your journey doesn’t have to be always bright and beautiful. There will be storms.

It’s time to delete that misconception from your neurotic pathways. Happiness is not constant. If, after reading the quote, you’ve set yourself to achieve 100% happiness in your day-to-day, you are bound to failure and disappointment. Happiness isn’t the destination, but it is not entirely the journey either.

So what is happiness? And how dare a 22-year-old like me lecture you on such ‘wisdom’?

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Not Giving Up: Why Is It So Hard?

Throughout my life, I’ve found it easier to give up on my professional dreams rather than relationships. Ever since I was a young teenager, I’d be discouraged to pursue anything ‘artsy’ as a career path. But at school, with my friends, I’d learnt to never give up on your feelings.

I was allowed to love, but I wasn’t allowed to dream. 

The term ‘unrequited love’ was the definition of my love life for as long as I remember falling in love. Yet, it only made sense to me to keep on trying. I’d get rejected by a guy, but as soon as another guy would come along, I’d forget all about the previous one and pursue the next.

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Post-Graduation Blues: What’s Next?

This is the post that I’ve been struggling to write. It’s this post that I couldn’t bring myself to publish. I didn’t blog for a month because of it.

I could just have brushed it off and removed it from my schedule. But I do insist on putting it out there. Then, we can go back to posts like the one I wrote last week on Asian movies.

Among all the blogs I’ve written, this is the only one that is still going strong 6 years later. Among all of them, this is the only one which I deem to be my ‘personal’ one. A blog that’s for everything and anything. No niche, no marketing. Just you and me.

And that’s why I wanna share this part of my life with you.

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Why Do I Want To Be A Writer?

This is a common question that is often asked, although very hard to answer. It’s like asking: why do you like chocolate? or why do you like that particular colour?

But I finally got an answer!! Sometimes, it’s really helpful to think WAY too much… 😉

So… why do I want to be a writer? Why did my 9-year-old self have this dream and passion and why, even after a decade, do I still have it?

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Is It Love Or Idolatry?

This should have been posted during the weekend, but anyway…

FOR THOSE WHO ARE NEW HERE:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that, as you read on, you imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

Love and idolatry can easily be merged together and at that point it is very difficult even to tell them apart.

However that’s exactly what I’ll try to do.

Going directly to the point, I believe that the main difference between those two states, which lovers can easily fall in either way, is the degree of communication.

Comparing two people who love each other and those who idolise each other: in the former relationship, the feeling of love grows as the communication and how much they know each other grows, while in the latter, not only there may be stagnant communication but accompanied with an increase in an artificial ideal of the other.

Nevertheless, it’s usually more complicated and confusing than that… as often it is love itself which transforms into idolatry and this is where the lover gets lost… Has love disappeared yet? Is the other put on a godly pedestal? Or is that idolatry still inoffensive, only being a sign of that greater love?

love

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Art Is Changing My Life

Some of you might remember that when I started this blog, I said that I had a new hobby every year.

Only writing remains constant throughout my life’s journey, since it’s more than a hobby, it’s a passion, well, it hasn’t always been constant but it always came back – I always came back to it.

French fanfiction in 2008, vidding in 2010, makeup and blogging in 2011, novelist-huge-breakthrough-plans in 2012… For some I… well I didn’t give up but I kind of was out of time to do all so I had to eliminate, while for others, like blogging especially, remained and will remain in my life I believe.

nude art woman's back

And in 2013…

Art.

Of course, everything I stated above is art, but what I mean is that this year I’m embracing the very basic stereotype form of art, which is the visual one, painting and drawing. The one art I drowned in when I could not even read and write, which made me use up all the paint pots and try out all the cheap painting brushes we had in our family’s shop, and which made me wonder about beautiful sunsets painted on canvas…

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