Re: DATING RED FLAGS

I’ve recently become a big fan of LUNCH BREAK! a Wong Fu Productions series on YouTube that they upload on their additional channel. What they do is they sit down and have lunch while conversing about a particular topic. The one I want to draw attention to is the one in which they discussed ‘DATING RED FLAGS’ (video at the end of the post!): basically, what they would consider to be a turn-off when dating someone.

I found the video pretty interesting as I was considering my own red flags in comparison and my opinions on theirs. To the point that, yes, I’ve decided to compile a few of their red flags and discuss about them each in this post!

Before I start with the list, I would like to clarify that I am indeed in a relationship right now and that these dating concerns have eventually consciously or unconsciously affected my decision to stick with him (it’s been 10 months now!).

Additionally, I have heard many definitions of ‘dating’ from a Western-Asian mixed culture, and the two main ones that stand out are i) dating is the stage before two people get into a relationship, and ii) dating is when you are in a relationship and seeing that person as your boyfriend/girlfriend. Whatever suits you. It doesn’t really matter in this post. The red flags apply either way to some extent.

To The One(s) Who Didn’t Love Me Back

*Disclaimer: This work is partly fiction.*

When I was 5,
I didn’t think about love.
All I knew was that I looked forward
To seeing you every day at school
And playing together during recess.

When I was 13,
I was peer pressured into love.
I was lost in tales of ‘unconditionally’;
Everyone seemed to have their ‘One’ but not I.
You looked into my eyes, into my despair.
I fell for you; you did not.

When I was 14,
I told everyone about you.
Yes, I was crazy about you.
I got teased; I got ignored.
I felt ugly, unloved.
Never, I will never tell again.

Why I Asked Him Out – And Not The Other Way Round

It is not generally easy to ask someone you like out. However, despite the fear of breaking a friendship and of rejection, it is most likely the only way to find that special someone. Opportunities are not to be missed. Risks are worth being taken. Trials and errors. Time to move forward.

1. That first paragraph was my mental state at that time. I had barely dived into my 20’s and therefore I was excited to try out bolder things. I wanted to make the most out of my young adult life. Be daring.

2. I was more confident. That was firstly because I was in university for a longer period than him, while it was only his first semester, and secondly because I was practically his ‘boss’ during the only extra-curricular activity that we had in common – the only thing we had in common. I was also the one to personally recruit him in the team.

A Magnificent Rose Smelling Faintly Of Blood

“Love is the world’s infinite mutability; lies, hatred, murder even, are all knit up in it; it is the inevitable blossoming of its opposites, a magnificent rose smelling faintly of blood.”
– Tony Kushner, THE ILLUSION.

“This is a message to all the young women who have found their one and only.

This is a message to the girls who fell in love for the first time.

This is a message to those who believe in Love, because the reality of Love is far from what it really is.

A long term relationship is what we aspire to, because the myth of ‘soulmates’ have haunted us since we were young and stuffed with mediated representations of Love: two people ‘meant’ for each other. Yet, it is in a long term relationship that we learn, and we learn it the hard way: nothing in Real Love is ever like our Ideal idea of Love.”

Is It Love Or Idolatry?

This should have been posted during the weekend, but anyway…

FOR THOSE WHO ARE NEW HERE:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that, as you read on, you imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

Love and idolatry can easily be merged together and at that point it is very difficult even to tell them apart.

However that’s exactly what I’ll try to do.

Going directly to the point, I believe that the main difference between those two states, which lovers can easily fall in either way, is the degree of communication.

Comparing two people who love each other and those who idolise each other: in the former relationship, the feeling of love grows as the communication and how much they know each other grows, while in the latter, not only there may be stagnant communication but accompanied with an increase in an artificial ideal of the other.

Nevertheless, it’s usually more complicated and confusing than that… as often it is love itself which transforms into idolatry and this is where the lover gets lost… Has love disappeared yet? Is the other put on a godly pedestal? Or is that idolatry still inoffensive, only being a sign of that greater love?

The Copycat & The Search For Belonging

(SAME) INTRO:

~ Being a future psychology student, I decided to create a new category of posts here on An Evil Nymph’s Blog which will be dealing with some of my weird and crazy theories of life and people. For fun, of course since I don’t have a degree yet. Also I’m not trying to make generalisations and it’ll be best that as you read on imagine putting in the word ‘maybe’ in every sentence. These are only my 19 year old opinions. Anyway, scroll down at your own risk… and enjoy! ~

***

If you haven’t read the first and previous post in this Psychology series, I strongly recommend you to do so here: Narcissism & Manipulation, because the copycat type we’re going to analyse this week is the one whom I let you have a glimpse of in that post.

For those who remember briefly, we encountered the copycat as a victim of the manipulative narcissist, as being easily influenced without a fixed personality to cling on to, copying aspects of the people he admires to fill this identity void of his.

However, he is not to be pitied entirely.

The Most Dangerous Thing About Love

Here’s this week’s Picture it & Write! I’m sorry I’m late!

Maybe I was too late.

Maybe I had noticed it too late.

The most dangerous thing about love was that it could deprive you of all your senses, all except the one deep inside of you: that of your heart. When trapped within its unyielding grasp, it would hug you so hard that you would feel the loud drumming of that central organ of yours; it would suffocate you and hypnotize you…

How To Be Distracted From Love.

You can’t.

Let’s face the truth: there is no escape, no short-cut. When Love gets to us, we are trapped… forever. Trapped in a vicious circle of loving blindly, getting hurt, moving on… well you thought you moved on, and then, you fall in love again only to get hurt again. Until you find the One. If you ever do.

Isn’t that sad.

The Voice Of A Writer

A Special Picture it & Write for this week! Enjoy:

 

Her fingers trembled with excitement as she turned on her laptop to check her mail. It’s been one day already since she last messaged him and she knew that he would have been to work all day, so she had to wait for the evening to conclude…

Weekly Photo Challenge: Sweet Kisses From Home

Since I missed last week’s photo challenge, I’m going to merge both the one I missed and this week’s into one and same post… and photo: Home and Kiss together, which makes Kisses from Home 🙂

This is the flower that my father gave to my mother on St. Valentine’s Day. For him, it’s a tradition to honour the woman he loves every year with a beautiful fresh morning red rose. (at 6 a.m.!)

Love Changes People…

It’s Friday! Yeah! So as promised, here’s my weekly contribution to this week’s Picture it & Write:

Falling in love… who would ever want to even fall?

It seems like walking without looking at your feet, with the unconscious knowledge of the destination, and then suddenly, there’s a precipice.

And you fall.

The Most Tragic Love Story

Another Picture it & Write! And my contribution to this week’s picture…

 

The most tragic of all love stories is one in which two people secretly love each other and yet…

Tracy thought that she had never met such a man as Kev. To any girl of the school, he was just like any other guy: not too muscular, nor too fragile; not too keen on sports, nor too geeky; not too handsome, nor too disgusting. He had plain dark eyes and hair, and his dressing code was rather the same every day: a boring T-shirt and a used pair of jeans.

Beauty Reflections: What Can Dating In The Dark Teach Us? [Guest Post]

We’ve all heard phrases like “Beauty is skin deep” but often wonder how true this really is. The dozens of dating shows that have popped up on the television over the years seem to challenge this idea with contestants that look like models. A new show is testing out this idea. “Dating in the dark” is a new dating show that is completely different from the ones we have seen.

Guest Post: I Was in a Mentally Abusive Relationship (PART 1)

It’s a long guest post – so long that I will cut it in two parts and thus publish it in two posts – but it’s so beautiful and original that I just can’t find myself to cut anything from it! Just take a seat and some of your favourite drink and relax while you are carried away in the story as you scroll down…

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I Was in a Mentally Abusive Relationship

 

Towards the end of my junior year of high school I had my first ‘real’ boyfriend. The relationship was awkward at best and terrifying at worst. If not for the intervention of a few glorious friends, things could have gotten much worse. The actions of my friends helped me realize the horrid situation I was in and gave me the courage to escape.  It is important to me that all teenagers, regardless of age, sex or confidence level be aware of the signs that lead to abusive relationships. Even if you don’t get involved in one, your friends may and you need to be prepared.

Before I go further into my story, I’d like to remind you that my words are only part of the story. I cannot say what would have happened if the relationship continued and I cannot comment on the boy’s reasoning for his actions. Things may have appeared different from his point of view. This is the story of how I felt during the three month relationship.