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The Joy of Being Alone

Disclaimer: This was written on Saturday 26th November, on the way back home. A short piece, unedited, that I just felt like sharing. 

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I’ve forgotten how to be alone.

I’ve forgotten how it feels to appreciate a meal outside of my home with my own company.

I’ve forgotten how to take solo adventures, like little trips to the city, and reflect on myself.

This year has been the least lonely year I have ever lived. From being part of a committee, to a community to a family. I’ve constantly been surrounded by friends. I’ve been left with very little time to myself.

So when the last semester of the year was over, I was left with mixed feelings. I was eager to go back to a tranquil lonely life, yet I was also apprehensive of it.

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Creative Thoughts | What is Love, really?

“What is love?”

“I don’t believe in love.”

“It’s that special connection with that special someone.”

“Love is a feeling.”

“Nope, I’d say it’s a choice.”

“It’s hard work, if you wanna make it last, that is.”

“Do you believe in soul mates?”

“No, please, none of that ‘The One’ bullshit.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I just stopped believing in that.”

“Maybe… I don’t know. What is a soul mate anyway?”

“Well, there’s definitely a difference between a soul mate and a life partner. At least, someone used to tell me that.”

“So what if you mean both of them at the same time? Can you fall in love with two people at the same time?”

“Wait, what?? No!”

“Why not? It’s like two different kinds of love anyway.”

“But then which do you choose? And how do you know what to choose?”

“That’s when you get back to the first question: what does love mean to you?”

“It’s stability.”

“It’s passion!”

“It’s mutual support.”

“It’s the butterflies in your stomach.”

“I don’t know. It just becomes so confusing at some point.”

“Maybe we’ll never know.”

Why is it always so hard? Always so painful?

Why does it bring us together and immediately tear us apart?

And yet, why is it so beautiful?

It broke my heart to see you with her. But I know I broke your heart first, when you saw me with him. A classic story. But, oh, I never knew it could be so complex.

“You may love someone as crazily as you have ever felt… but in the end when things go bad, you do end up walking away… moving on… and it makes you wonder, was this love, really?”

“It’s like when you give up on him because you know you deserve better. And it isn’t all sad anymore. Your heart becomes full of… hope.”

“Love is… someone who decides to stay, despite everything you have done.”

“Love is… someone who takes me back, even if I was the one to walk away.”

“Love is… forgiveness and acceptance of the other.”

It’s not a weakness. But it’s also not absolute or eternal.

“Love is knowing that, despite the fact that you won’t be in love every day, you guys will still stand by each other.”

And I’m grateful for that love. 

“Do we even deserve that kind of love?”

“Does it even matter? Love is for everyone; it is not meritocratic.”

Love is… just whatever it is.

~

An Evil Nymph.

 

 

My Last Week As A First Year Student

Monday

Round of applause in the auditorium as the last minute of Film Studies class ticked off. It was also the end of our final class test, and since we don’t have any exams for this unit, it was definitely the last glimpse I would ever have of Film Studies.

It took me back to last semester’s TV studies, which is the matching unit for Film, except that this time it was definitely over. Lectures that were basically movie screening times are over. No more watching movies as homework, for assignment research, or for revision.

First year is over. The scoring and easy parts of university work are done.

busted

We also clapped after our last World Politics lecture. Short and sweet class. That’s how my friends and I ended up in the library and I decided that I wanted mugshots hehe.

Mondays have always been my favourite days. Not only because of the idea of starting the week with a movie in the Film lecture, but also because it is the only day when I meet all my friends. Not only in class, but also in our Monash Performing Arts Club weekly meetings🙂 This semester, as a committee member, I feel even more grateful.

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The Past, Who We Are and Other Thoughts

It feels like it’s been ages since I last posted on this blog.

This was mainly because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (which eventually also includes writing, reading and watching anime/TV series ^^).

Three months’ school holiday is way too long, although it’s been filled with seeing new horizons, since I’m in a foreign country, but at some point it pretty much fucks your mind, especially if you’re living on your own. You start getting all deeply philosophical and start questioning every aspect of life.

Or is it just me?

I’d like to share a few of those haunting thoughts that have been following me for a while… and hopefully read your comments afterwards:

1. On Mirrors

I don’t know if I’ve talked about this here but I moved to a cheaper residence at the start of the year and among the furniture available in my room there was no sign of a mirror! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not your vain narcissist typical girl, but I enjoy making up outfits in front of a tall mirror and… well I simply have this ‘strong liking’ for mirrors. Therefore the mirror chase was on! My friend also joined me because she happened to want a mirror as well (peer influence XD). We were of course looking for the cheap options so we looked a little everywhere and took our time before we finally settled on those specific budget-friendly-but-nice-quality mirrors…

Anyway, this whole ‘chase’, that lasted about a month, made me think of something very peculiar about mirrors. It all started when my friend taught me how to know the difference in quality in the glass of the mirror (quite simple actually: just look into both mirrors one after the one and check for any ‘deformities’ in terms of how your body is being reflected… If your head is way bigger than your body you obviously know it’s not a good mirror…). She thus wouldn’t choose a mirror because it didn’t reflect her ‘normally’ i.e. the way she thinks her body is.

This was when the discussion started and my thoughts started to grow.

But how does she know how she is? If one thinks about it, no one can see oneself, except through reflecting glass, like a mirror, but if my friend just proved me that the mirrors can be flawed, then in truth, one can definitely never see oneself.

reflection

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Last Thoughts. (MERRY NEW YEAR 2015!)

Since I missed Christmas on this blog, I better say it all together: MERRY NEW YEAR 2015!!!

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I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to share here on this blog for the last time this year, 2014. And here we are, already on the 31st, and I have no idea what to write, but at the same time I have so many things I want to write about, that I want to put out there for the whole world to read and be aware of.

So I decided to simply go for the simplest way to deal with this: tell the plain truth. Write, without thinking twice. Type whatever comes out of my mind. Like a first draft. Thus, what will follow will probably be… chaotic, but well. These are the things I just want to get out of me.

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“How To Be A Gentleman”

LOL I’m sorry but I could not NOT post this with a post title like that!

Okay, the remaining content of this post is actually serious and if you cannot stand crazy feminists, I strongly recommend you NOT to read any further. Don’t complain. I warned you.

Today, I want to address a particular concern of mine that I’ve been thinking about for a while now. That of gentlemanliness (I had no idea that this word existed until now!) in our present time.

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Why Do I Want To Be A Writer?

This is a common question that is often asked, although very hard to answer. It’s like asking: why do you like chocolate? or why do you like that particular colour?

But I finally got an answer!! Sometimes, it’s really helpful to think WAY too much…😉

So… why do I want to be a writer? Why did my 9-year-old self have this dream and passion and why, even after a decade, do I still have it?

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