Have I Given Up On Travelling?

Honestly, this post was so hard to write. My thoughts are all over the place and I apologise.

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I’ve had this blog post idea for a long time now. It’s been on my list of ‘topics to write on’ for months.

The original title was “I gave up on travelling.” But I decided to change it. Why?

Who I was months ago had a different perspective and mindset when she wrote that title. Who I am now has gone through a lot of post-graduation thoughts about the future… and some kind of epiphany about who, where, how I want to be.

Back then, even though I didn’t seem like it, I was against travelling as a student, unless you could afford it, i.e. your parents are freaking tolerant about you spending their money (mine aren’t).

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The 4 Core Values I Stand For

On Friday 17th February, I completed my internship at Mossery, a stationery brand startup that crafts beautiful customisable planners, sketchbooks and notebooks to the world. However, what I really found special about the company was its huge emphasis on nurturing and communicating values.

Throughout the 2 months and a half (or so) period I was there, I eventually started thinking about my own values. Everyone has a set of values they live by, but I was never really conscious of mine before. Finally, after some deep soul-searching, I figured out 4 core values that I’ve been following pretty much my whole life. And I’m sharing them here, in the hopes that you too will be inspire to look for your own.

1. Ancora imparo.

I am still learning. Okay, so it’s funny but this is the slogan of Monash university, which is basically how I discovered that beautiful, empowering yet humble phrase. At core, we, as human beings, will never cease to learn. If we want to grow, we have to keep on learning.

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Who I Am Becoming In 2017

At the last few seconds of 2016, I stood strong, waiting for the fireworks. At the first few minutes of 2017, I noticed how my arm was not tired, my hands not trembling, from holding up my phone to film those 10 continuous minutes of beautiful bursting fires in the sky. That actually surprised me; it seemed that my workout sessions, as irregular as they can get because a university student’s irregular schedule, had paid off.

For many, this is probably a very small insignificant detail, but to me, at that moment, it meant everything. I only started taking care of my fitness and physical health in April 2016 for the first time in my life, and I have come far in terms of physical endurance, as well as pain tolerance and delayed gratification. Maybe not as far as I could have, but far enough.

But most importantly, I stood mentally strong. 

There was a point in 2016 where I felt that all the hardwork I had put into building myself for the past 2 years of staying on my own in Malaysia, all the efforts put into self-esteem and confidence, had been in vain as I was crumbling back to being shy and insecure about the slightest of things. As the saying goes, it takes time to create something, but one second to destroy it. And I had to rebuilt myself in the last months of 2016. I had to slowly but surely get back up and move on with life.

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The Joy of Being Alone

Disclaimer: This was written on Saturday 26th November, on the way back home. A short piece, unedited, that I just felt like sharing. 

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I’ve forgotten how to be alone.

I’ve forgotten how it feels to appreciate a meal outside of my home with my own company.

I’ve forgotten how to take solo adventures, like little trips to the city, and reflect on myself.

This year has been the least lonely year I have ever lived. From being part of a committee, to a community to a family. I’ve constantly been surrounded by friends. I’ve been left with very little time to myself.

So when the last semester of the year was over, I was left with mixed feelings. I was eager to go back to a tranquil lonely life, yet I was also apprehensive of it.

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Creative Thoughts | What is Love, really?

“What is love?”

“I don’t believe in love.”

“It’s that special connection with that special someone.”

“Love is a feeling.”

“Nope, I’d say it’s a choice.”

“It’s hard work, if you wanna make it last, that is.”

“Do you believe in soul mates?”

“No, please, none of that ‘The One’ bullshit.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I just stopped believing in that.”

“Maybe… I don’t know. What is a soul mate anyway?”

“Well, there’s definitely a difference between a soul mate and a life partner. At least, someone used to tell me that.”

“So what if you mean both of them at the same time? Can you fall in love with two people at the same time?”

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My Last Week As A First Year Student

Monday

Round of applause in the auditorium as the last minute of Film Studies class ticked off. It was also the end of our final class test, and since we don’t have any exams for this unit, it was definitely the last glimpse I would ever have of Film Studies.

It took me back to last semester’s TV studies, which is the matching unit for Film, except that this time it was definitely over. Lectures that were basically movie screening times are over. No more watching movies as homework, for assignment research, or for revision.

First year is over. The scoring and easy parts of university work are done.

busted

We also clapped after our last World Politics lecture. Short and sweet class. That’s how my friends and I ended up in the library and I decided that I wanted mugshots hehe.

Mondays have always been my favourite days. Not only because of the idea of starting the week with a movie in the Film lecture, but also because it is the only day when I meet all my friends. Not only in class, but also in our Monash Performing Arts Club weekly meetings 🙂 This semester, as a committee member, I feel even more grateful.

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The Past, Who We Are and Other Thoughts

It feels like it’s been ages since I last posted on this blog.

This was mainly because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (which eventually also includes writing, reading and watching anime/TV series ^^).

Three months’ school holiday is way too long, although it’s been filled with seeing new horizons, since I’m in a foreign country, but at some point it pretty much fucks your mind, especially if you’re living on your own. You start getting all deeply philosophical and start questioning every aspect of life.

Or is it just me?

I’d like to share a few of those haunting thoughts that have been following me for a while… and hopefully read your comments afterwards:

1. On Mirrors

I don’t know if I’ve talked about this here but I moved to a cheaper residence at the start of the year and among the furniture available in my room there was no sign of a mirror! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not your vain narcissist typical girl, but I enjoy making up outfits in front of a tall mirror and… well I simply have this ‘strong liking’ for mirrors. Therefore the mirror chase was on! My friend also joined me because she happened to want a mirror as well (peer influence XD). We were of course looking for the cheap options so we looked a little everywhere and took our time before we finally settled on those specific budget-friendly-but-nice-quality mirrors…

Anyway, this whole ‘chase’, that lasted about a month, made me think of something very peculiar about mirrors. It all started when my friend taught me how to know the difference in quality in the glass of the mirror (quite simple actually: just look into both mirrors one after the one and check for any ‘deformities’ in terms of how your body is being reflected… If your head is way bigger than your body you obviously know it’s not a good mirror…). She thus wouldn’t choose a mirror because it didn’t reflect her ‘normally’ i.e. the way she thinks her body is.

This was when the discussion started and my thoughts started to grow.

But how does she know how she is? If one thinks about it, no one can see oneself, except through reflecting glass, like a mirror, but if my friend just proved me that the mirrors can be flawed, then in truth, one can definitely never see oneself.

reflection

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